Barely hanging on to my faith

I really feel as if I am falling away from the faith. I have so many questions about the Bible, but nobody can answer them to my satisfaction. It's a challenge remaining in the faith when you don't have God actively supporting you. I used to have some love, joy and peace in the beginning, but after I sinned against the Spirit, all of that went away and now it's just a struggle. I have the obligation to stay in the faith so I don't go to hell for sure, but I don't receive the benefits of Christianity such as abundant life, peace, joy, love and the rest of the fruit of the Spirit, among other things. 

It feels like God is holding a grudge against me and wants me to fall away. Because He is barely lifting a finger to encourage me to continue in the faith. To be fair I did have two encouraging songs that came on my YouTube playlist at the right time, so maybe that was from God. I am mainly holding on because I have experienced a personal miracle that I believe was from God, and I don't want to go to hell. I still have some fear of God and a little faith. 

But perhaps I am one of those false converts who never had salvific faith to begin with, as it does say in 1 John 2:19 that those who walk away were never real Christians. But I am not ready to do that, I want to give God a fair shake and the benefit of the doubt, and allow Him time to rescue me from this situation. I'm not asking for a six figure job and a multi-million dollar mansion, I just want to have some love, peace and joy in my life, the fruit of the Spirit, as it should be for any true believer. Because I feel that I cannot even serve God properly in this state. If somebody looks at me, and what has happened to me after I became a Christian, they would want to stay away from Jesus.

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Comments

  1. Bruce Remington22 May 2023 at 21:15

    What did you do that make you think you committed the unforgivable sin?

    ReplyDelete

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