Husker Seeks

Maybe I was ungrateful but I felt that my prayers weren't being answered for many years, not enough of them anyway. I also didn't gain much clarity on my spiritual situation until recently. However this compelled me to first question God's goodness and then question the validity of Christianity as a whole. I dove deep into atheist critiques of Christianity and deconstruction stories. After this mind-bending journey Christianity didn't make much logical sense to me. So I decided to not believe in the Bible anymore. While I logically didn't believe, some seed of faith remained in me for whatever reason. So I still believed on a deeper level, I just didn't want to accept it. Perhaps out of anger toward God and pride in my own philosophical ideas. Life outside the church Things didn't change that much from the mental and spiritual aspect. I do have a schizophrenia diagnosis, and it manifests as a demon, that didn't change for better or worse after I stopped ...

When I was a child and in high school I had a group of friends. In primary school I was a bit bullied, but in high school I made friends with some more popular kids and the bullying reduced. We would drive our mopeds together, go to parties and later bars/clubs when I was over 18. However I have always had a loner side to me. Even when I was with friends, after a while I would yearn to be at home at my computer, playing games, chatting and surfing the web. In 2011 I went to Hong Kong to study Mandarin Chinese. Although in HK they speak mainly Cantonese. It was mostly a nice trip, I really like Hong Kong. The buildings are huge there and it's very densely populated. It's like a human ant hill. But then one day I went to McDonalds and bought a chicken burger. After this I got food poisoning and had to go to the hospital. Luckily I had travel insurance because it would have cost like $3000 otherwise. However even after I was discharged, I still had stomach problems that just would...

Back when I was still walking close with the Lord, I asked Jesus to come to work with me. The next day in the break room some random guy says "the king has arrived" and I believe Jesus was with me that day. I also felt His presence, it was so good that I almost dropped to my knees. I miss those days. Now I just feel like I did before I was a Christian, on a good day, but sometimes worse because this demon torments me.

Some years ago I was invited to a Zoom Bible study session about salvation. During this Bible study I had a sudden wicked thought, I am not sure where it came from. But it went like this "I want my brothers and sisters to go to hell with me".  What happened next was scary. When I was listening to the scriptures the pastor was quoting, I was thinking like "who actually believes this stuff?". It's like a veil of unbelief was covering my eyes and I could not see the truth anymore, like when I was an unbeliever. But then I realized what happened, and quickly repented of the thought, and my belief was restored. So I think if you can still honestly believe in Jesus Christ and know that the Bible is the true Word of God, then there is hope for you.

After I sinned against the Holy Spirit and God's presence departed from me, I began to experience what some may call acute psychosis. I had severe hallucinations which convinced me that God had left me, and demons were about to take over. They showed me images in my mind of me doing evil things to my family members. So I decided it would be best if I just ended my life before that happens. I jumped in my car, and went driving toward a long road where I could pick up lots of speed. I had no seatbelt on and drove my car at over 120km/h (75mph) against a wooden lightpole. I was thrown around in the car like clothes in a washing machine, but I felt no pain in my body. When the car stopped, I crawled out of the passanger side window, and I still felt no pain and didn't have a scratch on me. The car was destroyed though. I believe that God supernaturally protected me and spared my life. For what reason I don't know, as I am still trying to reach out to Jesus but experience only s...

I have been diagnosed with schizophrenia, but I believe it to be of demonic origin rather than biological or genetic. The way I experience this condition, is that there is a second entity living in my mind and body. I found this article some time ago and it talks about how to differentiate schizophrenia from demonic possession in light of the Bible. 1. Attraction to vs. Aversion to Religion. Demons want nothing to do with Christ. Conversely, people with NBD (Neurobehavioural Disability) are often devoutly religious.  This entity says it hates God but at the same time it also pretends to be God, and has made me feel emotions of love toward Jesus to manipulate me into believing it is God. 2. Irrational Speech vs. Rational Speech. In New Testament accounts involving demons, the demons spoke in a rational manner. Untreated people with schizophrenia will often speak in nonsense and jump rapidly between unrelated topics.  I seem to be able to discuss things rationally. To most...