My struggles with Christian doctrines and the true Gospel

I have always been a bit of a pessimist by nature. It may even be genetic because my mom is the same way. I'm usually assuming the worst, an opposite to the optimism bias that humans tend to have.

I guess that's part of why I found Jesus as I don't have hope in this world or human nature itself. Even before believing in the Gospel I thought humans were flawed creatures and we couldn't solve the problems of the world by ourselves.

Right now we are moving toward a world where humans are more like robots, cogs in a technological machine that doesn't care about them. Humans care less and less about each other, or following any sort of morals. They will increasingly cheat, steal and throw their fellow man under the bus to get ahead in life.

Once saved, always saved

The Gospel I believed when I was originally converted was the "once saved, always saved" gospel, or OSAS. Some also refer to it as free grace theology. I thought it was beautiful that there was a good God who would forgive all our sins and guarantee us our place in heaven no matter what. It's also good that there is a way out of this terrible world and it is provided to us at no cost, Jesus paid the price.

When I first believed I saw a video called "Bible Way To Heaven" on an anonymous image board, it's not the exact one linked but it conveys the same message. It explained our fallen state which aligned with my beliefs about humanity. Then it basically gave a way out of this world through having faith in Jesus Christ and believing in the Gospel. Because I saw no other solution or hope, I gave Jesus a chance and "officially" asked Him to save me through saying the sinner's prayer.

The prayer itself doesn't save you, but the repentance and faith associated with it is what leads to salvation. The Greek word for repentance is metanoeite or metanoia, which also means changing one's mind and heart. So you don't have to make up for the bad stuff you've done in life or live a perfect life doing only good things, you simply have to change your mind and heart, and believe in the Gospel.

The Bible says in many locations that we receive eternal life when we repent and believe. 

For example John 5:24 says we are passed on from death to life when we believe in the Gospel. 

Another example is John 4:13-14 which says we will never thirst again if we drink from the water Jesus gives us. 

Revelation 22:17 also says we can take of the water of life freely. 

Ephesians 1:13-14 says we are sealed with the Holy Spirit of promise.

In John 6:47 Jesus says if you believe on Him you have eternal life.

None of these examples have a fine print that you have to be perfect in your earthly life, although we should strive for perfection even if we cannot achieve it. But it is not what saves us.

State change in our relationship dynamics

From what I understand before believing in the true Gospel, we are enemies of God and party to His wrath. But once we believe, we are spiritually born again and become children of God. Imagine the best parent in the world, would they be patient, kind and loving to their children? Yes. Would they throw their child out on the streets if they did something wrong? No. Would they discipline their children for behaving badly? Yes, it's to improve their future behaviour.

Based on my personal anecdotal experience, I have been chastised by God due to my sins, but He never gave up on me and reminded me several times that I am forgiven and saved. Even after I went on an anti-Christian rampage and angrily blasphemed Him.

Pessimism led me to other doctrines

While my inherent pessimism led me to not trust in humanity, sometimes it led me to think OSAS was too good to be true. Indeed by some accounts the Greek word for Gospel, euaggelion, means "too good to be true news".

So I was driven for example to Lordship salvation which does agree we are saved by faith, but also claims this faith results in a life obedient to the Lordship of Christ. Basically we must do many good deeds and stay obedient to Jesus commandments during our time here on Earth, if we fail to do that then perhaps we were "not really saved" to begin with.

The problem I have with Lordship salvation is that it puts an emphasis on our own performance instead of Jesus, and you never know if you are truly saved, unless you are very self-righteous and believe in your own abilities. Because while I believe God does encourage us to do good things, we still have free will and our flawed human brains and bodies that tempt us to sin, otherwise we would be some kind of robots.

When I briefly believed Lordship salvation, I never had the fruit of the Spirit. I didn't feel hope and peace. I was more under a cloud of despair than anything else. I was never sure about my fate.

But I always kept coming back to OSAS and free grace theology. It was my safe harbour, where I had hope and peace. The fruits of the Spirit do probably have some supernatural nature, but our minds can still cause us to fall into other emotional states when we believe in other doctrines that emphasize our own performance.

That's all for today. Thanks for reading and God bless.